Why it is important to embrace our inner contradictions.
There was a woman I met some years ago, who told me minutes after we met about how she could gasp how strong and soft I was at the same time and how hard it could possibly be for me to handle the two of those qualities together.
At that time I had a bad time admitting my own softness, my own delicate space where things and words and actions had a totally different dimension.
At that time I considered my sensitivity as a weakness and definitely not as a resourceful weapon to live a magnificent life.
At that time my inner contradiction sounded more like a curse than like a real blessing.
So I ignored her and went on with my life, trying to enhance my strength while trying to tame my softness into something less fragile, keeping it invisible to other people’s eyes.
And I remember her words as I write these lines as if it was yesterday and I was having that coffee in that place in Costa Rica with that unknown woman who could see the picture of the soul that I so vehemently wanted to hide in just a few minutes.
Today, I don’t know how could I not see back then how powerful and beautiful that contradictory inner nature was.
Today, I don’t know how could I see her words as harmful, instead of insanely touching and constructive.
Maybe it takes to be really broken to see the magic of your own pieces?
Maybe it takes to look at your soul in the mirror, totally naked, with so much transparency it hurts your eyes to accept and love your own true nature?
Maybe it takes all of it, and nothing less to live a life that you are proud of?
The truth is, once you have seen your inner self so clearly you don’t want to live without honoring every inch of it anymore. In a way, a new life starts the minute you accept your complexities and contradictions. Actually, I have come to believe that I wasn’t really living until I embraced my own true self. As hard as it sounds, I have started living very recently and even the most basic things and situations are sometimes a new space for me to learn and discover.
I have found myself flowing at my own pace into the unknown, and Goodness does that make me feel good! There is a certain magic to be found in not knowing what could possibly come next. Nowadays, “the unexpected” is a place for imagination and creativity, and no longer a space of fears, doubts, anxiety or worry. I simply let myself live, one day at a time, with all the limitations, contradictions and flaws that make me uniquely myself.
In the end, we will only be here for a very short period of time, and we may as well honor our story and our true selves in the process of creating the lives we want to live.
The good news of this all is that it’s never too late to start over.
With all that in mind and because of it, there are days when I embrace my inner softness.
The girl who smiles at strangers.
The books read over and over again until the words vibrate with my thoughts.
The woman who knows how to really listen to others.
The sensitive parts of my soul that I have always kept hidden.
The person who can find infinite joy in listening to a song.
The girl who gets cold easier than anyone else.
The words I have written for nobody else but me in that small notebook I treasure.
Face to face conversations that turn out to be soul to soul ones.
Uncomfortable truths coming from the depths of my being.
And there are also days when I embrace my inner strength.
The woman who awakened from her own consumed ashes.
The creature able to write her story in her own terms.
The soul who travels alone and enjoys ever inch of her solitude.
The consistent word present at the end of a sentence.
The hands that transform pain into beauty.
The girl who knows how and when to say no.
The person who is able to recognize her own value.
The truth seeker and perpetual discoverer.
The forever free and untamed savage.
The never ending fighter.
I see myself reflected in both the warrior and the empathetic creature and I no longer apologize for being the two of the aforementioned at the same time. What I had seen for years as my biggest curse has turned out to be my most magical and powerful blessing.
I have found my remedy inside my own darkness.
I have found my greatness inside my own wilderness.
I am myself a beautiful contradiction.
And I can’t be grateful enough for that delightful and captivating inner paradox.
What about you? Do you happen to find contradictions inside of you as well?
Do not hesitate to share your story with us below!