Everyone nowadays seems to appreciate what we can all see.
New car. New job. New dress. New love.
But most of the times the best things happen on the inside, where nobody can have access to but yourself, where nobody but you can notice what is really taking place.
Sometimes we can only find those special things during what could seem like the darkest most horrible periods of our lives.
Actually, more often than not, it is only after a very difficult time that we can say: it was hell but there are so many things that I learned, so many things that I saw, so many things that I appreciated, so many things that I changed…
And we do change in those times.
In ways that we never even thought possible.
In ways we haven’t seen in others, in ways we haven’t read in books, in ways that are not shown in the movies.
In ways we have gracefully crafted.
In ways that are our own.
In those times we go beyond our own limits and we evolve into something uniquely beautiful.
I like to call that a blessing.
I remember myself during this past year.
When I couldn’t move
When I couldn’t study.
When I couldn’t work.
When I couldn’t laugh.
When I couldn’t even breathe at times.
I found myself looking for reasons that could make me overcome my inner nightmare.
I found myself crying until it was too late, trying to find answers to my pain, all in vane.
I found myself mad at life for the entire hell that I was going through.
Mad at my own brain.
Mad at myself for all the torture that I was capable of living.
I found myself desperate and helpless.
I found myself lost and looking for new directions.
I found myself looking for blessings in the middle of chaos, thinking I obviously didn’t deserve them.
I don’t know exactly how or when I began to change.
What I know is that I did discover new ways of living.
I stopped living too fast and began to take pleasure in the small little things.
I learned to be patient.
I learned to enjoy the slow process of the best things in life.
I loved fondly and unconditionally those standing by my side me through my tears and pain.
I learned the art of photography.
I interacted with nature in an almost magical way.
I painted and played with colors and forms and textures.
I recovered my love for poetry and read and read like my heart meant it.
I wrote and wrote and wrote for days until I could see my feelings come alive in notebooks and screens.
Somehow my pain was transformed into words, words that could actually help me heal.
I might have been weak during many parts of this past year, but my words were definitely not.
They could make me smile and laugh and play again.
They had all the power that I thought I lost during this year.
They were wise and strong and fascinating and ready to take me to a new world.
I felt like I had found the medicine to my deepest fears.
In the midst of loss and illness, I found a way to channel all my tragedies into a place of transformation and growth.
In the midst of hell, I found my own blessing.
After that, I couldn’t see the woman behind the words as weak anymore.
I owned my own strength and I owned my own value.
I felt almost invincible.
I owned what I had been through and what I was able to overcome by myself.
I owned my transformations.
I owned each one of my blessings.
After that, I could never take breathing for granted anymore.
The truth is, we don’t know what blessings we can get from our darkest times.
But we can dare to live through them, one step at a time, and one breath at a time, hoping that, somehow, somewhere along the way we would find the meaning and the answers that we were so fondly looking for.
No matter how hard or traumatic your experience might be right now, your story could change people’s lives.
It could empower and inspire others.
What you have to say could mean the world to someone one day, even if you have no idea of what it is for now.
You are powerful, worthy and significant.
Please give yourself all the love in the world you need to see that.
Give yourself all the time you need to heal.
Give yourself all the time you need to grow.
Because, if you do end up finding all those blessings, if you end up creating and sharing and living fearlessly in the end, wouldn’t it all be worth it?